Bully: The Movie

I have been looking forward to seeing the movie “Bully”. And now that it’s out in theaters, I find myself procrastinating (which is not my typical M.O).

On my morning walk with my trusty companion Kipper (a 6 year old Beagle mix), I was contemplating why I am avoiding the trip to the cinema.  I mulled over a variety of thoughts including:

• I’ve spoken to teachers, parents, and kids on this topic throughout the US – I should really want to see this movie
• I am passionate about this topic – every kid needs to understand they have unique gifts; it is great that we are not all just alike
• I am in the process of writing a book on this topic - I may gain new insights
• But what if the movie is a downer - I don’t want to spoil a good day - maybe I should wait til I’m in a cruddy mood to go – but then if I’m in a cruddy mood, I don’t want to go to a downer movie
• But then again, I’m passionate about this topic, I just need to pull the trigger and go
• Oh, but it’s a beautiful day today, I don’t want to be inside, I’m going to go to a tailgate/baseball game today – I’ll go another day

And the thoughts continued to course through my mind interrupting what should have been a very pleasant spring morning walk along the shore of Lake Michigan.  

Then it dawned on me: avoidance is one of the central issues woven through the topic of bullying.  Within the bully scenario, there are usually three components; we call it the “Triumvirate of Bullying.” Typically, not always, but usually, when a bully situation is occurring there is a person who is doing the bullying, a target, and a by-stander.  (I’ll write more about this in another post).

We usually try to deal with the one doing the bullying and the target (for justifiable reasons) but the by-standers have so much power in this situation.

Research suggests that the by-stander is usually very uncomfortable in the situation (about 80% of the time!) but he or she is afraid that if they step in and stop the confrontation, they will become the target. So they often choose the path of least resistance and just uncomfortably smile (We have probably all been there at one time or another rather it was on the playground, at the office, or in the church parking lot).  Yet the research also posits that if the by-stander will just walk away – no need to say anything, just remove herself from the situation – the one doing the bullying will usually stop within about 30 seconds.  By-standers have power!

But we have to be careful not to be avoiders. So I circle back around to my reluctance to make the time to see Bully – the movie. 

Knowledge and understanding are powerful. I need to go see it, and I need to stop procrastinating about it. I will actually be teaching on this topic in my Educational Psychology course next week, I better see it before then so I can discuss it with my students. 

I’ll let you know what I think of it…